Momentum -- məˈmɛntəm --

"A river is easier to channel than to stop." 

― Brandon Sanderson

"One way to keep momentum going is to have constantly greater goals"
― Michael Korda 

The world has a lot to say about momentum, these being just a small handful of the results that come up when you search this word on Google.  I've been thinking about this word a little as I've thought about what to write on this week, the days getting away from me so that it is already approaching Friday evening before I've got around to writing down my thoughts.

I'm not always a good front seat passenger in a car, which my wife would probably agree with.  Put me in the back seat and I'll happily sleep, but in the front I can't help but notice things, spot when the gear is too low, the engine working harder than it need do.  

Driving in a low gear, whether as a passenger or the driver, is never that much fun.  Heavy traffic (which, really, we don't have a lot of in Tallinn, though its all relative ― here a traffic jam is five cars waiting at a junction!) means you rarely get out of third gear.  Our car has six gears, and its only once we clear the city (which doesn't take long to do in beautiful Tallinn) that we get to move through the gears, and pick up some speed.

As leaders, we have gears.  Actually, whatever walk of life you are in there is an element of different times calling for different gears.  My writing life, at the moment, is seeing me move up through the gears ― its been an exciting year so far because of that.

We've now been four years in Tallinn, as I wrote about last week.  And if I use the picture of a six speed gearbox, (not counting reverse, because let's face it, who wants to go backwards!), I'm not sure, as a church plant leader, I've ever really gotten out of about third gear.  We've had a few false starts ― people moving away suddenly, or deciding church planting wasn't for them after all.  We've had seasons of growing numbers ― first gear, into second then third...before the crunch of tires, momentum halted and we are back to (seemingly) a snails pace.  Of course, picturing the car (as my image says above) whether its first gear or sixth, you are still moving forward.  Progress is progress ― albeit slow.

It's hard to think that as a church plant leader, I've not been able to move through the gears as maybe was the case in St Petersburg.  There, with a great team around us, we could all operate where our gifting felt most natural, flowing into fourth, fifth and then sixth gears as space allowed.  There were great 'times' of being a leader back then, blessing people, prophesying, growing together as a group.  It caused others to move through the gears too (which is what real leadership is all about, seeing others growing in who they are, released to be all they can be).  We had genuine, spirit filled, forward momentum.

In contrast, I've not been able to see that happen (yet) in Tallinn ― a result being, those that have been with us (sometimes very briefly) haven't caught the very thing we want them to see.  Momentum then grinds to a halt.

Maybe that's the thing.  In a land such as Tallinn, where the ground is so untouched, the seeds of the Kingdom yet to be planted, we've had to swap the car for a plough, doing away with gears altogether.  With a plough, there is no gearbox, no moving from fourth to fifth, just simply forward movement.  Forward progress, one row at a time.  Progress.

And that's an interesting thought.

Do you know someone who can push a plough with us?  We'd love to have you come visit and see this amazing city, this interesting people, yourself.  It doesn't matter whether progress is fast or slow, we aren't going to quit ― because, as the saying goes, progress is progress.

Tallinn needs a whole bunch of spirit filled, fun loving, people seeking, God worshipping people, and so do we.  Mission is fun and best done in team.  And best of all, with the image of a plough instead of a car, there is no chance of back seat driving! 

Reflections on Four Years...

Yesterday we marked four years living in Tallinn.  This photo was taken as I walked back home in the morning, the sun shining, the snow so vibrant and fresh.  So Estonian.  It feels good having been here four years, so I felt I'd break from my current blogging style (for one week at least!) and throw out some thoughts and reflections on our time here.  Let's see what comes up.

Moving to Estonia (for us) wasn't a difficult move.  Quite the opposite.  Though we will always miss the dear friends we left behind in our previous home city of St Petersburg, moving the relatively short distance west has always been something special in what it offered in closeness to nature, as well as ease of getting around a much smaller and less populated city.
We were therefore used to winters, and in fact, winters have seemed cleaner here (when it has snowed, anyway!) than maybe we ever got to experience in St Petes, living so close to the centre as we did then, there was no nature in easy reach of us so we never got to really see that side of winter life, besides the occasional church weekend away that we had during our time there.
We'd also got used to living in a flat/apartment, compared to a house as we had been living in the UK.  Due to cost of living in Russia, we'd spent all our time (aside from the first ten days spent in a hostel) in the same nicely finished, but very cosy, two roomed flat.  Being able to get a four room flat for less money in Tallinn was always going to feel much more spacious.  For all these things we are very grateful.

We've grown too as a family over this time, plus I hope grown in understanding of the task ahead of us, as we roll into year five and all that this, and the many others ahead of us we trust, might have in store for us.

I guess the biggest contrast in our two lives abroad (the nearly four years in Russia and these last four years in Estonia) must be what has happened church wise.  I've probably touched on this in previous posts, so don't really want to repeat myself, but as I reflect back, if you'd asked the 'Newly arrived to Tallinn Tim' back then what he thought might have happened after four years regarding seeing a new church gathered, I would have probably envisioned more than might otherwise be on the ground.  Of course, there is a lot of invisible stuff that no one really knows about, which I'll come back to in a minute.  Back then, my only other experience of cross cultural church planting was from what we'd just gone through in St Petersburg.  Moving in the August, the church plant's first public Sunday meeting just over 13 months later in that September, 2013.  Two and a half years after that first Sunday, we were being sent out as a family to plant a new church into Tallinn. Bam bam bam!
Now, I knew it wasn't going to be the same in Tallinn.  I think if you read through the early posts around the time we moved here, you'd pick that up. Recently I've posted how Estonia is in practice the most atheistic nation on the planet.  In a recent conversation with a local pastor here in Tallinn, a man with over fifteen years experience living and serving other churches right across the nation, he estimated there to be something like only 10,000 committed church goers in this great city.  He also had a really interesting comment to make, which I think I'll save for my final thought in this post.

Coming back to something I touched on earlier, and lets think about roots.  Outside in Estonia, there is snow everywhere.  We have a number of plant pots on the balcony (our only chance of some sort of garden open to us at the moment). Inside these pots, as well as some shrubs that I trust will come to life again once the heat of spring really comes, there are a number of bulbs. I'd forgotten about them really, and looking out the other day at what was clumps of rather sad looking old growth from the plants from last year that now needed removing, it would be easy to think there was no life there. It is freezing, there is snow everywhere, and the sun doesn't appear for very long, even on sunny days. But removing most of this old growth, there they were. A few bulbs are starting to break through the soil, green life visible in an otherwise soil filled existence.  Life finds a way.  In a month or two, there will no doubt be dozens of flowers pressing through. Right now, the roots are going down, drawing what they need from the soil to push up through the surface.

These last four years have certainly seen us put roots down here in Estonia.  We aren't going anywhere fast, that's for sure.  God has called us to this people and therefore we are here until (or if he ever does) God calls us anywhere else. Jesus often talked about seed falling to the ground, or a mustard seed which whilst small, grows to become the biggest of all garden plants. So you see, when roots are getting established, it might not look like a lot else is actually happening. But don't underestimate the power of good roots. Just look at the trees destroyed when even moderately gale force winds press in. Relationships with those in this city also have deep roots, which in their proper time will result in fruit of some kind. We know more people outside of the church here in Tallinn than we ever have at any other stage of our life. That's exciting, and whilst it doesn't mean people are ready to get saved soon (if ever) it does suggest God has been doing something behind the scenes (or below ground) that we might not yet fully realise.

We've said already how that as a church plant we need more people to come and join us. We are prepared to wait for this to happen. How long will we wait - that's a good question, which I've no better answer than really say as long as it takes, or until God says otherwise. You see, as a family (and I'd certainly include our two girls in this conviction because of what they've said to us this year) we believe it was God who called us to Tallinn, and that His purpose for us here was to be involved in a church plant. And whilst things might not have gone as they had for us in Russia, these two things still remain true.

So we need to navigate a new way through, and find out what God has for us in the mean time if, for example, ten people move to join us but only arrive in two years time. What happens before then?

This is something that we are now working through - and have a solution for, actually, though can't say that here, just yet, as we need to continue to pray through it and talk it through with some folks here. But it certainly involves waiting and praying for the future workers (you?!) to come and join us. Tallinn is an amazing place to live, we've managed it for four years already, and believe me, when I look at me from this angle, there is nothing at all about me that makes me in anyway more able to do this than the next person. Honestly. So if I can, anyone can and that's the bitter truth.

So many incredible things have happened to us over these short four years. I'll list the random events below, as I can remember them:

• Mia shaking the hand of the President of Afghanistan
• All three girls meeting and shaking hands with Prince Harry
• Appearing as a family on an American TV show that's been shown even here in Estonia, which people we know have then seen many times!
• Being interviewed by the main national newspaper and having a double page article on me.
• Me and Mia visiting the President's home and office.
• Getting spotted on TV (at a volleyball game) and having my recent tweet broadcast live during the Estonian song contest selection.
• Having my novels stocked by the national book store chain.
• Being Top 20 in both the USA and UK on Amazon for my debut novel (this is real time, happening now!)

And so much more, besides...!

I'll finish with a very interesting thought I was told by a fellow pastor here this week. It fits with something I felt once being here, which was the fact that if we are going to live and serve in Tallinn for many years, it didn't necessarily mean we couldn't be leading the whole thing.

My friend said, whilst often the model as a foreigner is to see a 'native' person leading the works as the ultimate goal, in relation to Estonia (maybe applicable wider as well, as situations warrant) this is a total misnomer. He pointed out that Estonians haven't been very good at reaching Estonians, hence the fact that the nation is the least spiritual nation on the planet (numerically). He has a good point. I guess I might at times thought that the ONLY option was to see Estonians reaching Estonians.

But that would be like saying that slaves needed to end slavery, or that obese people were the only ones to deal with obesity issues, or the poor were the ones to end poverty. Of course not! The poor can't end the cycle unless the rich change things and then share what they have with those that don't.

I see what he meant about Estonia. If Estonians were reaching fellow Estonians then we wouldn't need to be here in the first place - would God have even needed to have called us. Did he make a mistake, therefore? 

One situation (true and which happened to me, though I'll keep names out of it for obvious reasons!) was at a prayer meeting. I asked an Estonian to speak with another Estonian visitor (they were of the same gender) who was there for the first time, me obviously seeing the fact that they'd be best to communicate and welcome that person than I would (I'd seen this visitor briefly on the door as they'd arrived, and they didn't speak either of the two languages I was most proficient in.) When I arrived back in to the main room, I pointed out this visitor (clearly another Christian, as it was a churches together joint prayer meeting I'd been hosting for a short time) and this person said to me "Yeah, who are they?" to which I'd replied, with eagerness, "Go and ask them."  The instant reply was "I can't do that, it's not Estonian" and they refused to speak with them.  A fellow Christian not able to speak with another Christian because they didn't know one another.

I kid you not!

Needless to say, I went over and spoke a little to this person in my basic Estonian, but midway through the evening, this visitor just left, clearly assuming there was no one there who spoke her language fluently enough to feel a part of it all.

But it makes the point from above. If this really is the view point (and believe me, this person who'd said this to me really isn't just your average Estonian believer, they've been around the world and seen lots of church in the West as well) what hope is there of reaching Estonia, if we leave the job only to Estonians? 

They have a part to play - absolutely!  And there ARE great Estonian churches and leaders in this country. But non Estonians have a vital role to play, too.  That's my point. Don't count yourself out from moving here because you aren't Estonian.

You might just be the very thing this nation needs!

 

Success -- səkˈsɛs --

What is success?

As I sit down here today to write, I realise I've been working through this idea a little these last few weeks. Or more to the point, God has been working through it in me.

Today, I feel more content than I have been in months (years?!).  I feel less stress.  Deep down I feel happier and calmer.  My wife has noticed it, my kids comment on it.  All is well with my soul.

So, what's been going on?

I've no huge answer really, like most times, just life experience that I reflect upon and learn from.

For some, in relation to success, they live their lives craving it, looking for it, hunting down any opportunity.  Others, however, are not necessarily looking for it when they might come across it.  They are more afraid of being a failure. Success therefore means very little to them.

I have certainly related to that second group for much of my adult life.

This year, I started working through the BIOY app.  Simply reading the Bible each morning, taking in vast chunks of text (which is needed in order to finish it in one year) has had a noticeable effect.  My reading habit (for the Bible) had become a little careless - too many excuses, I think really! I've certainly noticed a change inside.  So that's one thing that's had an impact on me, for sure.

I was also listening to a talk recently. It shared how a barren couple sensed God telling them to stop asking him for children, and instead thanking him for children!  They now have five kids under the age of five - truly over blessed! It made me think about my writing life.  I often ask God for breakthrough, for success with my writing. Most would look at me and probably say I am successful already with three books published and another two or three in the process of being finished.  But as I said above, it wasn't really success that I was running to, but something else I was trying not to be discovered as (a failure, to be very clear!).

I realise that has always been a weakness, and something God has worked through me these last twenty years. Still, I've not learnt yet to really enjoy or appreciate success for what it is, passed the day or so around the event. Nothing seems to affect me long term, in order to give me some lasting peace, some on going contentment.  Or so it seemed.

Applying what I heard above, the other week I encouraged the church plant to thank God for success in our lives, on an individual level as well as a group. So in my heart, I thanked God that I am a successful author. I prayed out thanks for what God was doing with us all in Tallinn, the lives being changed, the people taking steps towards or with Jesus.  In the midst of darkness, there really is some light breaking through!

I've also had a greater sense of planning this year, of walking into new stuff this year and taking hold of what God has for me.  That's helped to build in a more focussed routine.

At the beginning of the year we shared with the church plant how we felt we needed to spend more time with friends in Tallinn, and less time doing meetings. It's brought real life to us, so that we've been able to spend hours with folks that we've been getting to know, time that we just didn't have to spare when trying to do 'church' as much as we were - of course, the element of building relationships in the community we are called to reach, is the essence of church.

We hold the vision and value of a larger gathering of Hope:Tallinn highly.  One day we'll come together weekly as a group and worship and pray and preach. But not until God has sent us co-labourers.  In the meantime, we are reaching out to those that need God. And in doing this, we are being a success for Jesus in Tallinn, bring Kingdom culture in our relationships with others, as we look to love, serve and just hang out with folks that don't yet have a close knowledge of the love God has for them.

In holding the future of the church plant loosely (it was always in God's hands anyway, really) it has brought huge comfort to me. I guess it was a weight I never intended to bear alone and so it being lifted has allowed life and freedom to return. In thanking God for the success already happening its also brought about a change in me.

As I mentioned last time (I think), the parable of the talents has also really spoken to me. It's where Jesus shared a story about a landowner who gives to one servant 5, to another 2 and to another 1. The one with 5 produces 5 more, the one with 2 produces 2 more, but the one who was given 1 simply buried it because he was afraid of his boss. The guys who'd doubled the investment both were allowed to share in the blessings of the landowner. The guy who had not done anything, his 1 was taken away and he was banished.

In the commentary notes about this passage, Nicky Gumble says that what was given to even the guy with 1, represented 20 years salary. In other words, a huge amount. Enough to put to work, to invest and to produce a return.

It's therefore a related thought with all of the above. The point of the story isn't to be the most talented, but to use what talent you have to the best of your ability. To make it personal for me, as an example, it doesn't actually matter if I'm a 5, 2 or 1 'talent' author - what matters most is what I do with that talent. Do you see? It's really powerful. Both the first two servants got to share in the masters success. I don't think it was a proportionate reward based on their returns. I think it was equal, because Jesus wasn't trying to highlight a hierarchy in rewards based on ability, but a shared blessed of the much based on using what you've been given. Anyone given even 20 years salary has more than enough to get started.

So if I'm faithful with the little when it comes to my writing (I'll let you decide if I'm a 5, 2 or 1) Jesus promises he'll give me much. It's a nice word, isn't it. Much.

So, no more excuses. Regardless of what you don't yet have, use what you've got. And thank God that you are already successful.

----

As a funny side note, I've recently implement a number of new marketing ideas in relation to my writing life. One includes putting out a book permanently free (which I've just done). As I write this, I'm #3 in the USA Conspiracy Thriller chart - an unbelievable position given how much competition there is in that market. Just using that little talent...and knowing God will make it much.

If you want to check out my book (and find out details how to get my second novel FREE as well) click on the relevant link. Whilst these two links are for Amazon in the USA and UK (my main two markets), the FREE book is actually available everywhere, on all types of eReader. Just search your favourite database for 'Cherry Picking by Tim Heath' and you should find it.

USA - http://amzn.to/1XxE6Rg
UK - http://amzn.to/1QlHiJS

Believe -- bɪˈliːv --

Belief.  It's powerful and it's divisive.

Powerful - because it can change your whole outlook, your whole worldview, even your life.

Divisive - because it can alienate you from others or make you a target.  It can separate families, it can put you in prison and it can make you lose your life.

Last month, I saw something on Facebook posted by one of my Estonian connections.  It had other Estonians commenting, liking, suggesting the fact they'd like to move there.  The post?  It was from Iceland, supposedly reporting the 'fact' that 0% of under 25s believe that the world was created by God.
I think the person had posted this with the hash tags along the lines of 'religion', 'fake' and 'eduction.'
Some of the comments went along the lines of 'see what an education teaches you!' and others just said; 'when can we move there!'

Estonians, once more, revelling in the idea that God doesn't exist.

But it got me thinking...because of my education, not despite it, I know that just because someone says or thinks something, doesn't mean it is.  Education has taught me that we don't know all the answers!

So when the leading minds of the world taught that the world was flat, the Earth didn't change shape to go along with this 'fact.'  When mankind assumed everything orbited the Earth, the solar system carried on as it always had, and always will.
When people say to God "you don't exist" He must just look upon them like some father marvelling at the rubbish coming out of his child's mouth and reply: "I do, and I believe in you, even if right now, you don't believe in me."

Since when has someone denying something ever actually had any effect on the reality of, or existence of, the object of that denial?

Education, and logic, has taught me to think like this...and when I apply that to faith (everyone operates in faith, as I'll come to in a moment, regardless of what you believe) it only strengthens that conviction, not destroys it.

It's illogical to throw out the claims of Jesus, the existence of God, wholesale. Totally illogical.  Firstly, there is the undeniable historical person of Jesus, undisputed by Christian and non Christian historians.  This guy walked the earth - fact.  

In the Bible we have evidence of what this man said.  The Bible holds up to all textual analysis, far more so than other great works which are also undisputed. The time we have the earliest copies from, the quantity of these copies, the time between events, no other historical document has as much evidence going for it.  We therefore know, without any doubt, that what we have as the modern day Bible is as close to the original as we can get - far closer to any other text of its age.

What Jesus said in the book provides another issue - to quote C S Lewis, Jesus could only have been Lord, Liar or Lunatic based on his own words.  No other title is justified.  He wasn't 'just a good person or just a good moral teacher' though he was also these things.

Central to his life is actually his death and then what followed.  If Jesus didn't come back from the dead as he said he would, then everything that went before becomes invalid, we need not accept his words.  But if he did...!
Again, the evidence is there.  The lack of body, lack of the Romans then producing a body, the fact each of his followers lived outworking the knowledge of Jesus' resurrection, and most dying horrible deaths defending that fact, no one denying it at the end...

Lord, Liar or Lunatic.  Education and applied logic leave us with no vague, confusing situation.

Back to belief - we all believe in something, even if its nothing.

Picture a room if you will.  There is a big wooden door that is standing closed, so that we can't see into the room. Inside that room, I believe God himself dwells. It's the man Jesus Christ.  I'm standing next to you, outside the room.  Let's pretend there is no other supporting evidence - it's just you and me, outside a door.
You, as an atheist, don't believe there is a God.  You don't believe Jesus is in that room - you believe the room is empty.  You see, it's not enough to say that you don't believe in God, because you are also therefore saying that you believe there is no God. 

We all believe something.  Some in a person, others in a void.

And here is the thing - I'm happy to know you if you have no belief.  We can be friends, I can share the things I know and feel, if you like, but I don't need to. But want I can't accept is the statement that belief equals fairy tales and life without God is because of good education and logic.  I'm a very logical person and I see this completely simply.  There is no confusion at all.

Sadly, it's often other people who choose to distance themselves from this kind of open, relational conversation.  I'm here for anyone who really wants to talk, to walk through this all, even if it takes us years of talking to get there.

It's said that soon schools (in England) might not teach about what happened to the Jews during the war because it offends muslims, who deny the holocaust actually took place.  People deny the moon landings too.  Does that actually have any affect on the truth of the events?  No, of course not.  Education has taught me that, and that's not about to change.

So what do you believe?

Soldiers -- ˈsəʊldʒə --

We were all born into a war zone.

I'm not talking between one nation and another, or people groups, dictators or anything like that.  There has been a battle raging in the heavens since before the creation of the world.  In fact, when Adam and Eve ate that fruit and ushered in the fall, it really was only the fall of humankind.  An original fall had happened, when a created angel wanted the place of God, and the punishment for that stupid idea was to be sent from heaven - with a third of the angels.  The devil has been waging war against God, and his plans, ever since.

There are some very 'dangerous' places in the world today if we just switch on the news.  Yet something I've always said is this:

"I'd rather be in the middle of a war-zone inside the will of God, than in a place of (relative) safety outside of his will."

Oh, to be foolish enough to be outside his will!  It doesn't bear thinking about really.

There is a spiritual battle raging for Tallinn.  That's why we are here.

They say, 'Estonians don't do religion.'  And looking around (my Facebook feed is often full of examples proving this fact!) you'd have to say this seems the case.

It's certainly not an easy place to plant a church!

But, I don't really believe that Estonians, or anyone to that fact, simply 'don't do God.'  What I do think is true is that Estonians haven't done God, and haven't had a history of seeing the Bible preached for what it really says. Their rejection, at best, is of a god they think they know about.  A god their communist leaders of the past said didn't exist.  A belief system laughed at in schools (it still is nowadays too!).

Put any Estonian before a living, breathing, healing and all loving, all forgiving God, and they too, like millions of others, suddenly will do God.  I'm convinced of the fact.  That's a large part of why we are here.

'Tim' doesn't have the answers in himself.  Nothing about me is going to change this nation.  But I do know someone who can.

This last week I had another Estonian tell me they don't do religion, and therefore turned down my offer to them to share my personal story.  I was at least able to agree that the God they don't believe in is probably a god I wouldn't believe in either.  We'll see if one day he gives me the chance to really share who Jesus is.

To plant a church here, to even get up to twenty people (the thought seems like a lifetimes effort away!) is going to take something incredible.  Because, as I've said, there is a battle raging for Estonia.

Officially, Estonia ranks number 2 in the world of most atheistic nations. Number 1 is North Korea.  One of the challenges with Estonia is the population.  Doing a little research online, it suggests in North Korea, there are only 1.7% who are Christians (there are other religions showing higher too, but for the sake of comparison, I'll stick to Christianity.  Estonia doesn't have many other religions represented anyway.)  

1.7% is a low percentage, for sure.  Estonia, though the lowest Christian nation in Europe, must have a higher percentage than that - but, here's the thing.  North Korea has a population of 24.9 million people - 1.7% therefore represents 423,000 people!  That's a third of the total population of Estonia, or more to the point, the entire population of Tallinn!  And yet, there are something like only 4,000 Christians here in the capital, maybe a few more.  But not tens of thousands.

Estonia needs something special!

I used the quote from Winston Churchill mainly because we have a General who is Great!  The greatest in fact!

2 Chronicles 20:15 says; "For the battle is not yours, but God’s."

Thinking about this nation, thinking about the Christian brothers and sisters we are praying will move here to join us, it's wonderfully reassuring to remind myself that this is God's battle.  As I said last time in my post on obedience, we are only here because it was first His idea.  And that idea involved seeing a vibrant, spirit filled community loving the city and all whom are put before us.  Serving this great place, being a blessing to all.

Does that stir you?  Want to come and join us to see this happen?

Only the battle hardened, God called, service trained soldiers need apply...

Obedience -- əˈbiːdɪəns --

I'm blogging again.

I've been writing a lot, actually.  Mainly novels (number four is just about to be finished in draft form, very exiting!) and sometimes for websites, a recent one being for 'Encourage Dads' which was fun.

Last night I was on a call with Maurice Nightingale, who is a leader in a church in Ipswich, UK, and part of the team that serves us all in Relational Mission. He's a good guy.  At the end of the call, he encouraged me to blog again, stating that he used to point people to the way I regularly posted.

The last posting here was back in March last year - oh dear.

The thing is, there isn't a lot to say.  A change of approach is needed, therefore.

In reality there is loads to say, but that can wait.  What I was encouraged to do was just pour out my thoughts, the visions for church in Tallinn that are rattling around, even if just to encourage myself.  Yet looking at the stats as I came but to this (rather dusty!) blog, I've had thousands of visits in the time I've been away, so someone is reading.

The aim of this blog was always to have a place where you could hear from my heart, hence the name.  But maybe the next phase will be hearing the vision for Tallinn.  For Estonia even.

So this is me, back again, with a maybe fresh approach.  We'll see what happens.

I've been thinking about obedience today.  We're in Tallinn because God said so, quite simply.  The same went for our time in St Petersburg.  He said, we obeyed.  It's quite simple really.

What has happened in the two place's 'numbers wise' has been (so far) quite different.  There are a few reasons for that, which I'm sure will come out in the months ahead (if not, or you want to know before, just email me and ask!).
But shouldn't we measure obedience, primarily.  

Let me tell you this story, then I want to touch on something from the Bible.

Meet Joe Bloggs.  Like many others, he's called to reach ants.  The great God in the sky wants all ants to know that he loves them.  God tells Joe to go stand on an ant hill.  Joe engages with lots and lots of ants.
Meet Johnny Bloggs.  He also wants to serve God.  God tells him to go stand next to a tree.  He does see some ants making there way up and down the tree. He tries to tell all of them that they are loved.
Meet Julie Bloggs.  She also wants to serve God.  God tells her to stand in the middle of a field.  With the long grass it's hard to see if there are any ants, but there must be some.
Meet Jim Bloggs.  God tells him to go stand in the home range of an anteater. There are not many, if any, living ants here for Jim to find.  It's the last place ants want to be! 

Joe is hailed as very successful!  His 'church' is seeing ants arriving all the time, and they now need three venues hosting five meetings to fit them all in.  Johnny too is doing well, his constant stream of ants have helped him grow a big 'church'.  He gets asked to the speak at the occasional conference too, though nowhere near as much as Joe does.
Julie has found it a challenge, though has managed to spot a few ants, two wanting to join her group.
Jim feels worthless.  He's not found any ants that are still alive.  He's looking at the success of the others and wonders what he's doing wrong.

You get the picture.

Yet, say we measured it on something Biblical like obedience, what then do we see?

God looks at Joe, Johnny, Julie and Jim and says to them all - "Well done!  You are exactly where I asked you to be! Great job!  I'm proud of each of you."

I've been working through Nicky Gumble's 'BIOY' app where you read through the Bible in one year.  I'm sure this will feature strongly through the months as I pull Biblical stories.  At the moment, we're in Job.  Throughout the whole book (and therefore life) of Job, we see a man obediently serving, loving, and worshipping God.  Yet outwardly, we see two different versions of the same man.
In the opening verses of chapter 1, we see Job the successful man!  In verses 13-18 his world (and roof, literally) comes crashing down.  He's lost everything!  In chapter 2 its his own health.  Same man, two different states.

Which of the two versions would get the invite to speak on Sunday at your church?  The first one, obviously.  Yet its this mans obedience that should shine through, his unwillingness to 'curse God and die' as his own wife suggests, his determination not to blame God for what had happened to him.  It's the same man throughout.

And I identify with Job in that.  I do with Jim Bloggs as well.  All to often we allow the worlds system of 'value' (ie wealth, success, fame) to infiltrate the church.  It can make me look and wonder at times - what's actually happening here, Lord?  Can anyone get saved in Tallinn?  

The answer is a resounding yes, of course.  And despite 'nothing' much happening here, even within our humble realms two people made first time commitments to Jesus last year.

And I'm the same Tim that was part of a super-doper 'successful' church in St Petersburg.

It's time I stopped looking at 'success' and start resting in obedience, which is the core of what I'm trying to say. I'm not actually trying to speak at conferences.  Let's value obedience.  Let's encourage generously.  Success in God is being exactly where He wants you to be.  No other qualifiers.  

That must also mean you can be worldly 'successful' yet not in the place God wants you - and that, my friends, is scary.

1 Samuel 15:22 

But Samuel replied: “Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.

Enough said.

Spring News from Tallinn!

It's time we updated you on a rather interesting few months.

Well over three months ago (a now growing habit of blogging less and less) we updated you with all that had taken place since the summer.  You can remind yourself of that news here if you like.

Many of the things I talked about then have continued on the same path, whilst for some things totally new possibilities have opened, as you'll read about below.

Here are the headlines:

• Hope:Tallinn has a venue!
• Largely Snow-less Winter in Tallinn (again!)
• Family Fun
• Key Visitor in March
• Baby Shower and Soon Arrival
• Six@Six Prayer Initiative

But I'll try and tell the story a little chronologically otherwise the news (and photo's!) will be jumping around, and we'll end in snow having started with a nice sunny picture above, which was taken in February (usually, the coldest, frozen sea month there is in Estonia!)

The Christmas and New Year Break

What ever snow there was, it certainly had to be appreciated! We actually only got out skiing in December, this photo taken not far from our home.

We were in Tallinn over the holiday, though did manage a couple of nights away once Rachel had finished at the school and the girls had broken up, literally picking Anya up from kindergarten (as I recall now writing this) and going away to the west of Estonia.  It snowed whilst we were away, allowing us to arrive home on the 23rd December to an even whiter Tallinn and thankfully White Christmas.  That snow was basically gone by the first week of January, though did return a bit as the next picture shows, which I'll get to in just a moment.
New Year's Eve is fun in this part of the world, a much 'bigger' deal than we ever saw in the UK.  In Russia, it was their main event in the year, and that tradition lives on in Estonia, though gifts are given on 24th December for Christmas, that being the only real difference to New Year in Russia (though Russian background people here also give their gifts only at New Year). Rachel's mum and dad were over with us for this period too.
One of the huge divides we notice that show up in Estonia between the two ethnic groups happens on New Year's Eve.  We noticed it last year which was a surprise and then this year, maybe more aware of it, it really struck us as unusual.
It goes like this.  As eleven o'clock comes around that night (yes, one hour before midnight) the skies around our home light with fireworks.  Just north of our home in a large Russian area - and from our window we see multiple displays all going on.  Whilst there are 'main' displays that take place, most are people buying their own fireworks and having their own party.  That's what happened on our street at midnight proper, the field in front of us becoming a shared public display, something we too joined in this year, even with our own box of fireworks.  It was amazing to meet so many neighbours, in a country so often silent with strangers, we were able to celebrate with the locals.  But why the two time slots?  Well, eleven in Tallinn is midnight in Moscow - the Russian background people let off their fireworks once Putin's speech is finished and New Year has hit the Russian nation.  The fireworks are most vocal at midnight, though only a little more so.  And it's not people just travelling to Estonia for the holiday (though that was true of Rachel's folks, who weren't going to wait until 2am to celebrate New Year), this is people living in Estonia permanently.
A few days after this, we got to meet some neighbours again, inviting them over for mulled wine and English (homemade!) mince pies.  Seven households came in total, including everyone from the small handful last year.  It seems to be growing! It was great for us to meet some more people.  Two couples came from our floor, including our next door neighbours (there are five flats on our floor).  These were both young Estonian couples and it was clear they hadn't ever properly met each other before.  They obviously enjoyed the opportunity to speak to each other longer.  Fascinating, that it would take us to bring even Estonians living in the same building together!
And then maybe a week after that it snowed heavily for a day.  I spotted someone rolling a huge snowball, clearing snow from the parking area.  He's the guy in the red jacket in the picture.  He was out with his two boys and they'd all been to our house for the mince pies.  I offered to help him as the snow ball was as much as he could move on his own by this stage and in the middle of the car park!  We managed to get it across onto the field, by which time it was as big as the both of us could manage.  He turned to me and asked "What should we do with it?" to which I mused: "Build an ice slide?"
Two hours later, with two other families (men, women and kids!) joining in, the community project was taking shape! Another fab way of connecting with people, and lots of fun together!  All the kids would take turns on the slide, and while it never got to being sheet ice as I had planned (we'd seen this once in northern Finland and it was really cool!) it was the last piece of snow to melt, staying for weeks on the field as the compressed ice refused to melt, even after the field was totally clear of all other snow.

Family Life

While it has been a season of illness and battle (spiritual often), we've continued to make time for family as much as we can.  Over the Christmas holiday it was my pleasure to take each child out on their special 'Daddy Date' which we do at this time of year. They buy a new dress before, Rachel helps them dress up and then we go and do something (their choice) and have food together after.  It was Anya's first time.  It's my honour as their dad to show them how they should be treated, to spend time getting to know them and strengthen that already strong bond, whilst creating fun memories.  I love being the father to these two amazing little ladies.  Whilst church planting is a focus and something we've given ourselves wholeheartedly to these last seven years, it can never be at the expense of this wonderful family God has placed me into.  My role as husband and then father has to come before that of church leader.  With Anya, we worked together on making this wonderful (and tasty!) marzipan Christmas tree.

This year, the girls have also let their creativity flow as part of an art class that they joined on Saturday's from February.  They did this class weekly for the first month but now they go every fortnight, so that we have some time as a family.  On the right is just one example of the kind of art work they are able to produce with the help of the Russian artists who run the group.  For those who have not seen the growing collection, you can view them here, which will take you to the Facebook album I add the latest works to.  

At the beginning of this month, Anya turned five.  It was also three years since we moved to Tallinn, having moved four days before her second birthday.  Parties are generally done in play areas in Tallinn, so this is what Anya wanted, and she invited about half a dozen children from her kindergarten class to the event happening at the play area in a nearby shopping centre. The only alarming thing (literally) was mid way through the party, the fire alarm sounded in the shopping centre and everyone had to evacuate.  The children were in tears! Thankfully it was nothing serious and we were back in about thirty minutes later no worse for ware.

Tim The Writer

Last time I also mentioned this aspect of my life and 2015 so far has been a big step along in my writing career, with my second novel being released on 16th January and then in February, for the first time, I hosted a book launch party in Tallinn to celebrate.
Following on from that, one of the main newspapers in Estonia asked me to give an interview for their weekend edition, which was a great joy.  The photo shows the double page spread, even if the picture of me holding the book as if it was a baby (taken for fun at the book launch event) wasn't necessarily the one I thought they'd use!
The article is in Estonian, though was also translated into English (from what the reporter wrote, not what I actually said in the first place) for their online version, a link to which is here. 

Following this was another first for me.  The main book store chain in Estonia, Apollo, started stocking both books in March.  It was surreal seeing them in the 'Uus' section (which means 'New') though the price they've set is so high I wonder if they'll sell any. They've already purchased the books from me, so in that regards it doesn't really matter, but if I'm to grow a local readership in Estonia (beyond the friends I know here who have bought the book from me) then the overly high price is not a good thing.

All these things being said, even with my Twitter following going through the 11,700 mark (its was just through the 5,000 last update!), I've a long way to go.  Launch figures were okay, though not extravagant. The book didn't chart as high as I'd hoped and without advertising, isn't selling copies at the moment.  The initial buzz has therefore soon passed.  Whilst the reviews that have been coming in are already excellent (see here for details of these) it seems any major breakthrough is still a long long way off.

If you have any ideas, any invitations for book parties, anything really that you'd like to run past me, please drop me a note.  It's my dream that writing becomes my paid vocation, supporting all that we do here in Estonia, whilst opening doors of opportunity.  I've seen God's hand with me but need more of that, as well as people recommending me to others, and those that have read the books already remembering to review them.  Reviews really do help other readers to make a purchase!

I've also not forgotten about these Christian book ideas I asked you about last time, and am thankful for the few that gave me some feedback. It might be a project for this summer.  All of this is part of a need to see more finance coming in, making up for a drop in support that has happened over the last year.  I might pick up on this theme a little later.

More Recent/Upcoming News

Rachel hosted a baby shower for Elisabeth, whose baby is actually being delivered tomorrow (Monday 30th March!).  The shower was a great success, people travelling from across Estonia to join Elisabeth.  Since finding out they were pregnant, it has been a terrible nine months for Arnoud & Elisabeth in many ways, health for Elisabeth at an all time low, totally taken out by the pregnancy and other related health issues.  For Arnoud it's meant running the home as well as his full time job.  It also had a knock on effect with church, in a season of pushing for something, that 'next step', this key family were needing to take a step back.  Please pray for them as the baby is delivered through C-Section tomorrow nearby.  Pray also for the recovery, and the healing of everything that has happened to them these last nine months.  Whilst we know it'll take at least the summer to adjust back to things, plus they will have the new baby, we trust the worst is now behind them.  

Sherron Fensome is still planning on moving to Tallinn, aiming for the first Monday in May.

Please also pray for her over this next month, for her transition (she's finishing work this coming week!) to her arrival. Rachel is looking into possible housing options, already visiting one.  Also keep a job in your prayers for her.

Sherron does love cats, so a recent visit to a newly opened 'cat cafe' in Tallinn might be the purr-fect (sorry!) thing for Sherron. The cafe has six cats, though the friendliest of them all gravitated to our table right away, the girls doing their best to copy its expression in this photo.

Autumns Lows and Seven Year Effect

This update has been largely lite and newsy so far, probably because I knew I needed to write this next section.

In the last update I shared how things were tough, how the New Year gave chance for fresh vision, because what we had been doing in the Autumn hadn't grown things the way we thought, and energy had dropped.  Obviously the (temporary) loss of Arnoud and Elisabeth at such a time, as detailed above, did have an effect on our ability as a group to press on.

I personally felt more alone as the season pressed on. The New Year brought a prayer focus, and obvious need to fall on God to grow this church plant, our efforts (and our energies!) failing.  So January started with us meeting to pray every Sunday for an hour followed by a drink in a cafe.  Back on that first Sunday on 4th January, we actually had more visitors than core present, five were over from St Petersburg and another locally based German man came along as well. It was Stephen & Ketlin's last weekend with us before they flew to America to spend eight months - they come back in August.

The weekend after was the #TallinnPrays event, this time gathering people from five churches, though none from the church we were hosting it in, who usually did come.  A seventh church also had planned on but were not able to come that time. We'd then used that venue once more for our own Sunday meeting, but a weekly commitment for this other church was too much so venue became the most pressing issue.  Sitting in the cafe after that prayer meeting (which must have been Sunday 22nd), we looked through the options Enrico had found for rent-able premises and nothing really hit the mark, some a little too isolated, or too derelict! Looking at this list with Arnoud, we revised the search area and suddenly another venue looked promising.  The following Wednesday I visited it with Enrico and we shared what we saw at group that evening. It seemed doable, and I was back that very Friday to sign the contract and collect the key. We used it for the first time that next Sunday, less that 7 days since first spotting it online. That first meeting (which was prayer and worship) we only had the chairs we could bring easily from home. These two photos show the hall, plus the chairs we were able to buy and now also the banners that have gone in this week giving a little more colour to things.  (The door in the photo doesn't open, before you wonder why we are facing that way!)  

On that first Sunday, a family of five (Canadian) were there for the first time. They've come back once too, looking for a local church.  Whilst what we are currently doing doesn't meet their immediate needs, they have said if we were to launch this Autumn, they'd look to join us then.

A Stake in the Ground

My first conversation with Arnoud once he'd come back from their three week break in The Netherlands over Christmas, was telling.  Clearly the time away had given them time to talk to others, getting things off their chest, even if the sickness was still with Elisabeth.  And as we spoke that day, something we both needed to answer was this - how long do we keep going as we are until we call it a day?  At what point does this stop becoming a church plant heading for launch and just a group of burnt out people?
What formed in my head that day was the need for a stake in the ground, a timing we are working towards that either confirms God's call or makes us ask some tough questions.  For me, October felt the right kind of time for a launch.  We push hard this year, praying into and building towards a launch Sunday in the Autumn.
Now, the speed of the venue coming around seemed to encourage us in that regard.  Clearly, if we were to launch we'd need a venue, and suddenly we had one.  A place that we could use throughout the week, the fortnightly toddler group instantly growing in numbers the first week it moved to our new venue - the mums seem to really like it!
The real prayer is for growth.  Getting to October the size we are now (even including Sherron into that figure) doesn't give us the core size we need to launch well.  It might get us someway, but we'd soon all run out of energy. So the stake in the ground is for God to bring in the extra people, key people, that we need in order to launch.  This would grow into an easy prayer initiative that I'll talk about later, but before that a little more darkness...

Can We Do This?

I guess, mirroring Elisabeth's own sickness as she approaches the new birth, we've felt this same struggle spiritually as we've pressed through these last months.  Energy levels dropping, vision for what is happening taking a hammering. Bouts of sudden sickness falling upon us, often the night before a special church gathering.  These stopped once we started asking people to pray for us on Saturday's.  It's led me to ask (constantly) of God - can we do this?  And if I'm honest, I often followed this with the question; And do I want to do this anymore?  By January, finance once again became a problem, a long standing church in the UK announcing they'd stop later this year, a figure that represents about 40% of the total support we now receive, support which makes up (thankfully) about a third of our current income.
Nothing was running as smoothly as before.  We were doing all the right things outwardly, but something was suffering inside.  I felt my walk with God was also struggling.  I was too busy trying to fix our situation to spend the time I wanted (and needed!) in the word!  Crazy, I know.
And then the realisation - carry on as we are, and we are heading for burnout.  In many ways, it's great that we recognised this, as one spots a potential danger far enough ahead to avoid a collision.  You see, whilst this current season has been challenging, by itself it's not outstripped all that's gone before.  It's just followed on from it all.
For us, it's the awareness that the last seven years have caught up with us, that it's not just about the last nine months, nor even the three years we've now been in Tallinn for, but actually going back seven years plus, from the transition in Stockport where I stepped down from leadership to focus on the move, to landing in Russia (spiritually exhausted) then the church plant there, before moving on again and all this time in Tallinn since.
The thought that we were praying into an October launch given our situation, made no sense.  We didn't have enough energy to get us through to the summer, let alone beyond that.
Something needs to change.  We need space.
We've now talked this through with everyone here, plus Sherron (so she is fully aware what she is arriving into).  We still have faith for an October launch, which has grown this last week, as you'll see in a moment.  But for that to happen, we need a time of rest as a family.  Spiritually to lay down the cloak of leadership responsibility, for a season, in order to hear from God and come back stronger and more envisioned, especially ahead of an Autumn push.  So what this looks like is this summer, once Rachel finishes for the summer at the school (mid June) we'll take three months 'break'.  It's not a sabbatical, as I'm not full-time for the church.  I'll still have my U.K job and writing, but it's more the leadership responsibility for this season we'll lay down. We're talking this through with the team about what this will look like.  We'll certainly be around socially for things, especially meeting any new people that turn up, but won't take the reigns back properly until mid-September, ready for that push.  We'll do it in such a way as to recover ourselves whilst not hampering in any way the small core we have and our ability to push hard this Autumn.  Summer is always a very social time, plus a time people arrive in Tallinn from overseas, maybe moving for a new job or to study something at University.  So we will make sure we don't lose any opportunity whilst also reflecting our need to recharge.  Please pray for us as a family during this time and also for the church plant.  One amazing thing that came out of this last week and in relation to the summer was one visitor seeing the need for us to get some sunshine and time away offering us use of a holiday property, only for someone else to say they'll cover the flights for us all to get there! We're very grateful to them, God is so good!

Give Us Six People Lord!

Last week was a good week for outside input - first a Skype call with Adam Bradley (Life Church - Peterborough) and then Maurice Nightingale was in Tallinn for a day on Thursday.  Both were aware of the financial situation as well as the fragile state of things (I'd sent them an urgent plea for wisdom the week before in relation to another situation they both helped with).  But as I prepared for these times, the more I thought about what we needed, the more I was led to my hearts core cry - for people! Finance tends to sort itself out - any short-term help offered only delays the issue anyway - and venues and things like that do help, but without the people we are stranded.  Then it came to me.  Six people added to our core team (even for a short 'season' to help us) would be the game changer.  We should pray for six people - at six o'clock.  The #SixatSix hash tag prayer was born!  We're asking people around the world to pray for Hope:Tallinn - that six extra people would join us.  Whether it's six in the morning and you are just getting up, or six in the evening and you are sitting around the dinner table (with others maybe), please say a short prayer, asking God to send us six extra people.  Ideally, the six would include a couple of musicians, some with teaching ability, all with servants hearts and the ability to be relational and connect others in! Six game changers that added to this great team already would give us the wings we need to really fly.  So will you pray with us?  Maybe you could be part of that answer - giving even six months (October - March) this Autumn could be an amazing time for us all.

Maurice's Visit

What was great about this timely visit, was that it's come at what now seems to be the end of this challenging time, and has given us hope and a road map for what this next year could become.  It's allowed us to talk through the issues and have someone help with the solution.  And he might even have the first of these six game changers in mind....watch this space on that one!
We'll focus especially for this next year - building up this October for a launch (hopefully) and stepping into the next stage of things.  Come next Easter (2016) it'll give us a fair understanding on what is happening - it's either on wards and upwards, or something else!

Easter Event

To finish, I'll ask for prayer for us as the team (probably just four of us!) host an Easter Family Fun event next Sunday on Easter Day. We did something similar last year and it was a real success.  Now that we have our own venue to use, we really pray the message of Easter rings true for many who come, as well as being a fun time for all.
We're doing this event between 4-6 Tallinn time, so depending on where you are reading this from, please do remember us in prayer on that day.  We really want to be able to serve these families well, whilst sharing with them the real message behind this special day.

Prayer Points

• #SixatSix - Team growth!
• Next Sunday's Easter event.
• For rest this summer and recovery ahead of the Autumn push
• For baby Bakhuisen being born tomorrow!
• For Sherron's move to Tallinn in early May.