Reflections on 30 Years - Part 3

Three days of being 29 left...but its only another day older really, so I'm honestly not bothered.

It has given me a great reason to write again though and reflect (in a good, what-has-God-done-in-me type of way).

Something I mentioned in the first part, was something I called, in the spare of the moment, Dating God's Way. I guess it isn't really quite that, in that it's no Bible study but what I was referring to was how God worked in me in this area. If its a model to others, I don't know. I hope it's an ideal for many though, and it would be wonderful if one day my children were to follow the same path. I know I will need a lot of grace if they don't....but God's got plenty to help me with!

You see, largely through how God made me, I grew up quite clear on things. School was for learning, youth was playing (though I now see in adulthood its also vital), church life for growing in God.

I'm a black-and-white thinking person. I really have no grey. Honestly. So within this thinking, there came a natural (maybe God given?) decision to only 'go out' with the girl that I was to marry. Other than that, I couldn't (still can't) see the point. Is there a point? Ask anyone who has ended a long relationship (or short one) and they tell you of hurt, anger, bitterness.

No thanks!

"But", I hear you say. "How will you ever know who's right if you don't 'play the field'?" Or "Isn't that a little narrow minded thinking, avoiding hurt and therefore staying single?"

Well, all I can say is that in my life these questions aren't relevant.

You don't, for example, need to go to a banquet with 1000's of puddings and need to taste everyone in order to know which one you like best - you look around, and there you see it! Why would you want anything less perfect!

So for someone, that when he turned 21 had never had a girl friend, nor even kissed a girl, you'd imagine my chances of 'finding love' were limited. Because, of course, doesn't all this experience of 'playing the field' make you better suited next time around to really find the partner for you? How would a novice ever start at 21!

Well, within my later teenage years, I also knew this feeling inside that God had placed, that confirmed within me that I would get married in my early 20's. I knew it. Fact. Total. It was there and I hadn't put it there.

And because I had no 'experience' in dating that could humanly back up such a conviction, it must only have therefore been God.

The closest I seemed to get as my teens turned into my twenties was that I 'enquired of God' about two women who I wondered if they might in fact be 'wife' potential. They were indeed wife potential, but for different men, praise God. I had not told either of them of my thinking, the conviction just wasn't that strong!

And yet, just after my 21st birthday and only a matter of weeks into the Frontier Year Project, there was this girl that seemed to appear. Her name was Rachel. We started writing to each other (we were based at churches about 200 miles apart from each other) and within about 3 months it was clear that things we changing.

I remember, with Rachel aware of my conviction about only going out with someone I'd marry, writing in a letter that we were now 'going out' and therefore it was effectively a proposal.

Two weeks after my 22nd birthday, we were married. In my early twenties. Just like God had said.

This, the guy that had no 'experience' with girls. But, married nearly 8 years now, what's the issue?

How many teens and twenties say to people "I love you" to people they'll never marry. How many of them actually know what love is?

Praise God that I've only said those words to the woman I've married - all glory to God for that, it wasn't my doing at all.

So, is this God's way? Is it Biblical.

Clearly, this is what God did for me. As a model I highly recommend it. Get on with life, get stuck into the things of God, and leave your marriage partner up to God - He'll tell you who they are, in time.

I used to pray for my 'wife' from as young as 19. I remember it clearly. I recommend that as well. Because, and though it does happen, for anyone that age, it is true that their future husband or wife is 'out' there somewhere, alive, living and as yet unaware of you. But still to pray God's blessing over them, to ask God to protect them and direct them. Very healthy things to pray!

I don't want to speak for God though. This is the story of what God did with me. I can obviously recommend it. As a principle I think it's healthy.

And not only with relationships. God knows the desires of your heart - give these things up to him, and all things are possible. They really are.

I'll close this entry. I thank you God for my darling wife of nearly 8 years. Thank you that I trusted you in this. You know it wasn't easy for me at times - far from it. But you helped me through the tears and have done something great, for your glory. So thank you God! Amen.